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gurlsonfilm

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(1 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

Hello Old Friend. [14 Apr 2008|01:58pm]
[ mood | content ]

It's been quite some time since I have recorded any thoughts. Life has taken me through several twists and turns, but for now, I finally feel that I am in a good place. I'm actually on the right road for once in my life.

I started going to school this past February, and since then I have realized the power of information. I had forgotten how invigorating learning really is. For the first time ever in my life I made the Dean's List, and managed to have perfect attendance which, to my surprise wasn't that difficult of a task.

I wonder why I never did this before.

I guess I was just caught up in all of the distractions of high school. All of the drama, all of the fighting and the crying. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself when I should have used it as motivation to be a better student, a better musician, and a better person.

It's crazy how much time has passed by since I last walked through the halls of Dondero. How long it has been since I have seen anyone. People I never thought I'd miss, cross my mind from time to time. Even people I never talked to. I wonder if others are experiencing a similar feeling.


Justin and I are going on 2 years in June.

The person I didn't expect to be with longer than 2 weeks, I have been with for almost 2 years. It's crazy how that worked. Things between us are so different than the way things were in any other relationship I have ever been in. I fell so hard before, and it made me crazy. But this time I've found that it's a lot easier when you take things one day at a time. I wish I would have known back then what I know now. Would have saved me a lot of heartache.

But, what can ya do?

I'm happy now. I truly am. I've grown and learned so much about myself, and I'm finally getting things down. I'm starting to understand this whole growing up thing, and I'm learning to forgive those who have wronged me. I'm finally picking up my life;
piece by piece.

(4 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

Poem [15 Apr 2007|11:53pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I found a rather old poem while looking through a bunch of crap. I thought it was pretty good so I thought I'd post it and get other people's opinions.

Do you love me?
Did you ever love me?
Will you ever love me again?

If the answer is yes,
How will I know it's for real?
If the answer is no,
How can I change what I feel?

Will you stay with me?
Will you hold my hand?
Will you look into my eyes
until I understand

if you ever loved me
or if you'll love me again.
Do you love me now?
Please tell me, if you can.



Tell me what you think.

(fairy dust)

Bleh. [27 Mar 2007|07:32pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

So, I'm really upset. I've realized that the one person in this world that I thought I could trust, and could trust me, really doesn't have any trust in me at all. I've done nothing wrong, and yet, no matter how much I defend myself, or try to prove that I'm not lying, he won't believe me. That definitely hurts. I don't really know what a relationship is without trust, but I'm sure that it's not a good thing. I've never done anything to make him not trust me, and I've been the best girlfriend I possibly can be. Still, I feel as though, that doesn't matter, nor will it ever matter. I have no idea what to do or say, because I am heartbroken. I guess what goes up, must always come down. It just sucks that my world has to come crashing down with it.

If I lose him, I will be lost.

(1 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

well [04 Dec 2006|09:05am]
i totally saw that one coming.

(2 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

yeah [01 Dec 2006|06:22pm]
[ mood | content ]

This popped into my head as I was lying in bed last night.

I know that it's wrong
but i find pleasure
in your pain
and your loss
is my gain
you stole my heart
not long ago
tore it to pieces
then left me alone
so now i feel
it is your due
to feel the sorrow
i felt after you

(fairy dust)

you want something to get messed up? [27 Oct 2006|04:24am]
[ mood | blah ]

just leave it to me.

I'm real good at it.

(1 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

oh glorious day. [06 Sep 2006|12:18pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

Well, I turned 18 today so I'm going down to the Secretary of State to get my adult permit. Which I guess I have to have for 30 days before taking my actual road test to get my license. But I bought a car yesterday, a 1990 volvo, it's dark blue and it's got a sun roof, heated seats, and a pretty decent radio player. I'm pretty fucking excited about that car.  I just hope that it doesn't break down anytime soon, cuz it's going to cost a lot more than I have to fix.

I'm going out to Texas Road House with my family for dinner, and then I work my first midnight shift tonight at Leo's. 9pm to 5am.
Happy Birthday to me.
not to mention, i can't get friday off to go see hootie and the blowfish :( I'm actually really bummed about that...

(1 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

yeah. [29 Aug 2006|11:50pm]
[ mood | tired ]

umm soooo.

I got a job, working as a waitress at leo's.
+/ -'s
+ money for spending
+money for a car
+money for insurance on a car
+parents off of my back
-can't coach cheerleading (at least not full time anymore)
-hardly any time for friends ( as if i really had very much time for them to begin with)
-dealing with rude people sucks

i turn 18 next wednesday, so hopefully shortly after i will be acquiring my drivers liscence.
finally.

(1 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

so tell me. [14 Aug 2006|01:07am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

what's you're position on gas station employees?

(fairy dust)

wow. [09 Aug 2006|02:45am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

glad you think i would post shit like that on someone else's lj. I thought we knew eachother better than that.
then again, I thought i knew a lot of things.
guess not.
thanks.

(fairy dust)

IMA Robot [10 Jul 2006|03:10am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

You were the best love I ever had
you hit me high
you hit me low
time doesn't slow down for those who dream
I wake only to hear this scream.

(fairy dust)

so.. [07 Jul 2006|01:08pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

funny story...
last night i ended up at the unholy alliance tour..
thine eyes bleed
children of bodom
mastedon
lamb of god
and slayer

I have to tell you, that I'm usually not the metal type, and normally wouldn't find myself at a metal concert (I know, crazy right?), but Justin's friends bailed out on him and he asked me to go..so I did...and it was actually pretty awesome.

I saw some guy get the shit beat out of him and some other guy choke-hold wrestled out of the crowd, I almost got knocked on my ass (I would have if it weren't for the big dude behind me who was paying attention and caught me), and Justin got caught in a semi-violent mosh pit.

Needless to say, I left wanting to break shit.

(fairy dust)

yay today. [30 Jun 2006|12:01am]
[ mood | content ]

:)

(3 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

. [19 Jun 2006|03:16pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Many things in this world are forgettable
they get old, lost, replaced
But a memory is something you can't easily get rid of
They are ageless, and vivid
Several people. events and possesions will stay with me
locked in my mind and heart
as a memory.
It's odd
how in an instant 2 years ago can seem like yesterday
how you can remember every last detail
the smell, the feel, the mood of an event
How you can stare at a picture and remember everything about that moment.
They're tricky though
coming often when you don't want them
triggered by a smell, a sound, or a place
The hardest thing in life is to get past the memories
to lose your past and live your future
you try to take them for what they are worth
hoping to apply them to everyday life
to learn from your mistakes
and remember all of your triumphs
but no matter what
the memories are always there
nagging at you
reminding you of what you once had
reminding you of what you lost
and as long as I live I will keep creating these memories
and I will fight to forget them
until the day that I die.

(1 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

oi vea [24 May 2006|03:29am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

dateless to prom once again.

p.s.
Kim Jones, I didn't fucking kiss Ben, so stop telling people I did.
you ruined a perfectly good relationship.

(2 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

:( :/ :'( [22 May 2006|10:00am]
[ mood | distressed ]

imagine the worst day you've ever had.

multiply that by two.

that's how my day was.

oh how I love my life.

(11 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

oh. [09 May 2006|03:50pm]
Maybe you all didn't understand...

I meant I deleted everyone off of my friends list, if you want to be re-added, then comment...if you did understand and just don't care to read my journal...well then don't comment.

sorry for the confusion.

(4 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

ok [30 Apr 2006|02:34pm]
friends only
comment to be added

(fairy dust)

[01 Apr 2006|01:26am]
[ mood | crappy ]

what am I supposed to do?
when my heart was breaking
you were the one I ran to.

the one who left his house at
one in the morning
to walk around aimlessly with me
and talk to me about everything
for 6 hours.

the one who always gave me advice
the one who always understood
never judged me
what am I supposed to do
without you?

I want to fix this so badly
I want to make things right
It's another one of my failures
so supressed by my childish fears

insecure
weak
jealous

but I want to change that
I want to change for you
and most importantly
I want to change for myself.

I don't want to be without you
I need you more than I've ever needed you before
I'm falling apart
and I don't know what to do
because when I fell to pieces before
I looked to you
and you picked me up
cared for me
and most importantly
loved me.

so where do I go from here?

(1 sprinkles of | fairy dust)

I don't care what you say.. [31 Mar 2006|11:15pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I'll love you anyway.

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